Out of the Darkness
by Milady29
Summary: While Chicago is rebuilding after the tragedy at the hospital, Gabby is breaking down. Trying to handle the emotions and fears she has after that horrible day, she is getting worse and worse. Can Matt reach out to his love and can he and her family and friends help her out of the darkness she is in? Dawsey.
1. Chapter 1

Gabby was preparing breakfast for her and Matt as he would be back from shift within a few minutes. She would be there again next shift to work with Shay, at 51 and she couldn't wait, But she has missed out on two shifts as she had been too sore. The front door opened and Matt walked in. He dropped the bag on the ground in the corner and kissed Gabby, looking in the pan.

''Mmmm...french toast.'' He smiled and kissed her again.

''Mmmm...smelly socks and yucky t-shirts.'' She said as she smiled and walked to his bag, pulling his dirty clothes out and wanted to bring them to the washer but Matt stood in front of her and took them from her hands.

''I know where the washer is...I think the toast is done.'' He said as smoke started to rise from the pan and she fled to the pan while he walked to the washer. He put them in, as well as his shirt he was wearing which was a little sweaty as well and walked back to the kitchen.

''Mmmm...shirtless you.'' Gabby smiled as she let the toast slid down on the plate and he sat down across her and they had breakfast. This afternoon it was Diego's birthday and Gabby was looking forward because she would see Diego and Eva and she always liked that. But she was also scared as she would face her brother again for the first time since the terroristic attack and she was scared he would start about it. Not because she didn't want to hear about how his unit had captured the guy, but because she was still dealing with it.

Or not dealing with it at all. Every night she dreamed she was under the rubble and Matt wouldn't come. She could hear the thundering sound of the bomb every night before she closed her eyes and fell asleep and multiple times a night she woke up, scared, shaking.

She looked as Matt walked up the stairs to get showered and ready for the birthday and she wished she could tell him, but he was too worried about her. He would be too worried. She wanted to wait, as the nightmares would go away soon, she was sure about that. They just had to.

She cleaned the house and Matt came walking downstairs, lifted her up in his arms and kissed her.

''What?'' She asked laughing as he put her down again.

''Nothing, just wanted to tell you I love you.'' He smiled and she hugged him.

Later that afternoon they arrived at Diego's birthday and Matt and Gabby handed him their present, a new hockey stick for ice hockey as he had broken his previous one during the last match and he was happy.

They all sat in the living room, only the grill outside for Antonio so he could grill some things for the family. Laura was busy in the kitchen and Gabby helped her.

Matt joined Antonio by the BBQ and sat down next to him.

''The men are going to do this!'' Antonio said as he threw some meat on the grill and Gabby looked at her brother, laughing.

''It's probably for the best you have a professional firefighter beside you when you are trying to grill something.''

''Yes, I enjoy this garden and this house.'' Laura added her sister in law as Antonio usually let things burn and they laughed, Antonio pretending like he could not laugh about it but Gabby knew he enjoyed self-mockery. But she did wanted to make it up with a beer.

Gabby walked around, handing a beer to Antonio and Matt as they were sitting by the BBQ. Antonio and Matt nodded gratefully and Diego walked up to her.

''Aunt Gabby can I get a beer too?''

They laughed as she shook her head. Diego walked away, upset, not realizing there was alcohol in the drink his aunt's boyfriend and father were having and he stamped on one of the balloons, the balloon snapping with a loud bang and Gabby almost dropped her own glass she was holding. She pushed it in Matt's hands.

''Are you okay?''

''Yeah, I just need to go to the bathroom.'' She said numb and she walked away. Closing the door to the bathroom she sunk down on the floor, shaking and covering her ears with her hands and she tried not to cry, but her heart was racing in her chest as she had been so scared by the little boom.

She tried to man up as she knew it was just a balloon but the sound had reminded her to the explosion. Every night she had nightmares, every night she woke up scared and she had tried to hide if from Matt. She had succeeded, but that was because she didn't want to scare him, especially because he was still dealing with it as well. Slowly she left the bathroom, calmed down again. Walking back tot he garden, she bumped into Matt.

''Are you okay, sweety?'' He asked worried as she had been in the bathroom pretty long and she seemed off.

''It's nothing. I...do you think we could go home?'' She said as she looked over his shoulder at the family.

''There is something wrong?'' Matt asked worried.

''Nothing, I am just tired...could use a night with you.'' She said as she kissed him on his cheek and he nodded as she seemed really tired and they said goodbye and thanks to the family and Matt walked with her to the car, his arm around her.

''You are not driving.'' She said then and he shrugged.

''I only had two beers. You are tired.''

But Gabby climbed in on the drivers side so Matt sat down next to her. She started his big pick up truck and drove of the parking space onto the road. She felt a little guilty that they left the birthday so early because she got scared of one balloon and for a second she thought about telling Matt, but she couldn't do it. He was so worried already and he didn't want to make it worse.

At home they walked inside and after watching a movie, they fell asleep in each others arms. Matt woke up when he heard Gabby crying. Worried he switched the light on and looked as she was curled up in bed, wailing and sobbing as she was still asleep and worried Matt woke her up.

''Babe, what is wrong?'' He asked worried and Gabby woke up, looked at him and hugged him.

''Nothing, just a bad dream!'' She said and she kissed him on his cheek, wanted to go back to sleep but Matt kept looking at her.

''Baby, what was it about?'' He asked worried as something seemed to be really wrong with Gabby. She had been so off the last few days.

''Nothing, Matt! I told you!'' She said upset and she turned around.

''I am sorry...I am just worried, because I love you.'' Matt said as he kissed her but as there was no response he went back to sleep, sad as he knew she was hiding something from him.

* * *

NOTE: Gabby is really struggling with the attack. She needs Matt more than every now but can she tell him? Or does she let herself slip farther and farther down in this trauma?

Thank you so much for reading this first chapter. I hope you like the idea and please tell me what you thought about it! With the responses I will see if I will continue this, because I am not sure if people are interested so please leave a review if you are!


	2. Chapter 2

**The next morning**

* * *

''Do you have contracting to do today?'' Gabby asked as she rolled over in the bed and Matt got out.

''Yeah, have to fix the bathroom of Cruz's cousin. He asked if I know somebody to fix it and I offered I'd do it.'' Matt said as he got soe old pants on and an hold sweater, kissing her on her forehead.

''You have any plans for today?'' He asked then as he checked the clock and saw he had a few more minutes before needing to go and he sat down on the edge of the bed. She sighed.

''Well, if you want some dinner tonight, baby, I should do some shopping.''

''You can take the truck if you will make Chicken Parmesan. Means you can go to the big store down at the inter and you don't have to go shopping for a few days.'' He smiled and she smiled back as she loved going to the store as they had a lot more international products, also a lot of dominican products.

''Guess we are eating Chicken Parmesan. Don't you need the truck for constructing?''

''It's only a few blocks away so I can walk there...but then I have to go now. See you tonight.'' He said as he kissed her again and slowly walked out. Gabby turned around again, worried about what had happened last night. Matt hadn't brought it up this morning but she felt guilty about lashing out to him. Especially because he meant it well, but she was going to overcome this and she didn't want to bother him with it. Three days ago there had been something on TV about the CPD talking about the terrorist and he had been crying, thinking back about all the things he had seen that day. She knew he pulled four people out. Her, first and she was alive. Then there was the mother and her three kids. He had pulled the mother out, dead. After that he had found her oldest son. Dead. After Otis had found the youngest kid dead as well, they thought they had cleared the rubble out, but Matt realized there had to be another kid and he found the boy, dead as well, barely nine years old. He had broken down and cried and she had comforted him, but he had told her he was going to be okay, that it was not the first tragedy and she believed him.

Dammit, she believed him like that but at the same time she kept lying that she was alright, while she knew she wasn't.

Slowly she got up and get showered and dressed and got ready for going to the store. Grabbing the keys from the kitchen table she grabbed an apple and ate it while she sat in the car and drove away then. For the first time in days she was finally feeling a little better again.

Gabby drove the big store and walked through the aisles with her cart, stacking it iwht a lot of stuff. Luckily Matt loved eating good things, just like she did so she could make the most strange dishes and he would still try it. He was probably the only person that trusted her cooking skills that much, but it was great he shared the same taste.

She got the chicken for the chicken parmesan and overhead some of the women that were talking close the meat department.

''Yeah, the bombing...terrible. I heard my cousin's friend died there.''

Gabby turned her cart around and wanted to walk away, but somehow her attention was drawn to the conversation and she kept listening.

''..she was under the rubble, maybe if they had found her sooner...'' The woman sighed and Gabby really wanted to walk away now before she got even more upset. Maybe if Matt had found the mother before he had found her the woman would still be with her kids right now.

''...they started digging pretty late...what are you looking at?'' The woman suddenly asked Gabby and Gabby looked at her, surprised and upset.

''I...I...nothing.'' She said then as she walked away with a red face, from both anger and shame. Anger because of what they had said about the fire department responding too late and she walked to the counter, pictures of the day haunting through her head as she thought about the time she had spend under the rubble, so scared she would never see Matt again, or even worse, that he was hurt in the explosion. Luckily, the blast had thrown him on his back and he had a few scrapes from falling and crawling through the concrete when he had looked for her, but he had com out pretty well while he had been very close to the blast.

The blast. The screams she could hear under the concrete but she was not able to move. The fear. The darkness.

It all became so clear again.

''Madame, your chance?'' The woman behind the counter said and Gabby took the money and hurried out of the shop, still panting as she sat down in the car. She laid her head against the wheel and started to sob. She sobbed because of what the women had been talking about and about thinking back about that day. About the people that had suffered and she was mad because the fire department had done everything they could and still the woman dared to say there were pretty late. Finally Gabby took heart, sat up again and dried her eyes and looked as the women walked out of the store as she drove backwards. A loud scrapping sound was heard and worried she looked back, saw that the car had run up against one of the flower boxes.

She tried not to cry against as she drove got out of the truck, looking at the big dent in the back, with damage to the paint and made sure nothing was wrong with the flower box as she got back to the drivers seat. She realised this wouldn't have happened if she had her full attention to driving instead of emotions and mad she drove away and drove home.

At home she paced around, thinking if she should call somebody to fix the truck before Matt got home but looking at the clock she knew she was never going to get that done before he got home and instead he started cooking.

When she was just done, Matt walked in and kissed her.

''Matt, I am so sorry.'' She said as she hugged him and worried he looked at her as she let go.

''What is wrong?''

''I...In the parking lot I drove the car against a flower bed...well, the wall in front of it and now the paint and the back is damaged.'' She said sad and she was almost going to cry but Matt laid his hand on her jaw.

''Babe, it's just the truck, don't worry about it. Will get it fix it tomorrow.'' He said as he hugged before she could start crying and she nodded, tears in her eyes.

''Thank you.''

She served the parmesan chicken and they had dinner.

''Gabby... I am worried about you.'' He admitted then. ''You would tell me if something was wrong, right?''

She nodded as they carried on eating.

''Does it has something to do with the events of last week?''

She shook her head and shrugged; ''There is nothing. I'd tell you if there was.'' She said as she stood up to clean the plates and Matt doubted for a second as he got up.

Matt walked to the bathroom, typing a message on his phone and his finger hovered over the button, pending if he was going to send the text to Antonio about his sister, that Matt was worried and asked Antonio for help but then Matt deleted the message. He could protect and care for his own girlfriend, dammit! He put his phone back in pocket and left the bathroom again, laying next to Gabby to the couch and pulled her in his arms. He would find out what was wrong and he would help her. She just had to let him in.

* * *

NOTE: Will Gabby finally open up to Matt now she realizes she is really not okay after being distracted and damaging the car or will she keep hiding from him, afraid she will bring up bad memories for him?

Wow, the response on the first chapter! I am so surprised and baffled. Thank you so so very much! You can't imagine how much it means to me! I hope this chapter did not disappoint you!

Thank you so so much for reading and please leave a review again with what you thought! Reviews make me happy and keep me writing, but don't worry about leaving criticism in them because if something is wrong with the story I can change it!


	3. Chapter 3

**2 days later**

* * *

Hand in hand she walked to the station with Matt. They had brought the car to the garage and walked the rest of the way. She was really glad he was not upset with her for damaging his truck but she was upset with herself, that she still didn't dare to tell him something was wrong and that she had damaged his car because of it.

She let go of Matt's hand as they were almost at the firehouse and Shay was also walking on the driveway and Gabby laid her arm around her friend.

''It's good to be back.'' Shay sighed as it was the first shift for the both of them, Gabby because she had been sore and a slight concussion, b ut she felt better now and Shay had been recovering from the gash, but now they were both back.

''I missed you.'' Gabby said as she was glad to be back on the ambo with her best friend. She had visited Shay once, but the concussion and soreness hadn't made it easy and Matt had been to worried for her to go out at first with the concussion.

''I missed you...between the mint chocolate ice and bad movies Kelly took for me for my recovery. I hope Matt has been pampering you too.'' Shay said with a smile as they walked to the ambo and Shay laid her hand on the hood of the ambo and smiled. ''And I missed you too sweety, hope Rafferty wasn't mean to you.''

Gabby laughed and they walked inside to get changed. The guys greeted them both back and Matt winked at Gabby while he was grabbing his coffee as he already changed.

They had hardly changed when the alarm rang and they ran tot he ambo. She looked at Matt, shortly before running into the ambo and he climbed in the truck. She was worried now every time he got on that truck, afraid he would do something brave but stupid again. That he would be in danger again. But she realized she shouldn't worry about him on the job because what had happened hadn't happened on their job.

''Something up? You look worried.''

''Oh, no.'' Gabby said as she faked a smile. At the scene they walked to the man that was stuck under his lawnmower.

''Did the blades hit you?'' Shay asked as they kneeled down but the man denied and Matt and Herrmann stood next to them. Matt looked at the lawnmower and yelled for Severide. With Herrmann and Severide they got it away and Gabby and Shay looked shocked as they saw the blade had gone deep into the man's upper leg and worried they looked at it.

''Matt, don't pull the blade away! He will bleed out!'' Gabby said then as she saw it was probably in his coronary artery and Matt stopped.

''We have to lift him up carefully, hold the blade and bring him to the hospital.'' Shay said and Gabby nodded.

''Otis, Cruz, the gurney!'' Casey yelled and they got the gurney. The man was moaning and groaning as they lifted him on the gurney, as careful as they could and Casey held the blade as they got to the ambo.

''Come on Tom, you are going to be okay.'' He said to the man as they were in the ambo and Shay and Dawson closed the doors. She sat next to Matt, monitoring the man's vitals and she realized it was the first time in the ambo with Matt since his accident, but then he had been on the gurney.

By the hospital Matt helped the nurses getting the man out, making sure they got the blade properly before letting go of it. Gabby looked at the ER and tried to stay calm, realizing she was back in the place were everything had happened, the hospital. Her heart started beating faster and she tried to get breathing regularly as Matt and Shay walked after the patient but instead she ran to a bathroom. Worried she looked in the mirror, throwing some water in her face as she tried to relax. She waited a few minutes, breathing in and out. It was just the hospital, why was she overreacting like this? Why did her body and mind do this to her?

Walking back into the hallway her heart was still beating to fast. Matt looked worried at her and Shay was frowning as well as the patient had been taken away by a care team and she shrugged.

''Needed to go to bathroom and you were managing the patient...that time of the mo-'' She lied as her period had started yesterday, not just ye and Shay nodded understanding while Matt just turned around and walked away. She felt bad for lying about it but she still felt bad about complaining about something the others seemed to deal with. SHe didn't want to seem weak, especially not now the firefighter's test was coming up again. She knew if she told Matt about her not dealing well with te attack, she could only imagine his reaction, he would never let her do the test, telling her the job might be to emotionally have for her.

And he would probably be right.

They got back in the ambo and drove back to the firehouse. Matt walked back to the common room as they were cleaning the ambo.

While she was cleaning, she realized she had to tell Matt soon,s he couldn't keep lying to him. But she didn't want to, she hoped her fears and trauma would pass soon so she wouldn't have to tell Matt. She would give it some more time.

''Lunch is ready.'' Severide yelled and they got out of the ambo as it was clean. After lunch she got a text from Matt telling her that she found a new apartment for them to take a look at and she walked over the hallway. Entering his office she sneaked up to him and kissed him in his neck and he laughed.

''Look how beautiful it is.''

''Wow, we are going to check this one out for sure.'' She said as she looked at the screen and kissed him in his neck.

''We can check it out tomorrow...I knew you would love it, so I called the landlord. Tomorrow afternoon if that suits you.'' He smiled and she smiled as well, happily and kissed him.

''Oh yes, that suits me perfectly.'' She looked back and looked at the smile on his face. One of the man the women in the supermarket had been complaining about. That he was too blame for the mother and her children not being found in time.

She left his office, trying not to think about it as Matt always tried his best to safe people.

Walking back over the hallway, she suddenly heard little children talking behind her and slowly she turned around, a mother and her three children, looking at her, their faces and clothes fuller with blood and dirt. Her ears were ringing and as they were walking his direction she ran away, locking herself in the bathroom as tears started so stream from her eyes.

* * *

NOTE: Uh oh, is Gabby slowly snapping? is she going to tell Matt now things are getting worse or will she keep justifying things for herself so she doesn't have to tell Matt so she can take the test?

Thank you so much for the positive response on the previous chapter, it means so much and I am so glad you are still liking this. Thank you for reading this again and please do leave a review with what you thought about this chapter and keep me writing!


	4. Chapter 4

Gabby woke up under the rubble, confused, in pain and looked around, but it was too dark to see anything and confused she brought her hand to her head, felt the blood that was dripping down over her forehead. Above her she could see a little bit of light shining through the chunks of concrete, but she couldn't get up, her body hurt too much.

''Help me, please.'' She said, weak as her voice broke and she saw a flashlight pointing at her.

''Matt!?'' She asked weakly as she couldn't keep her head up and it fell back against the concrete. Powerless she saw how Matt crawled past her.

''Matt, I am right here!'' She said now, a little louder but he crawled on. She tried to pull free but she couldn't and he crawled out of her direction again and terrified she looked as she disappeared.

''She is not here!'' Matt yelled at Severide and she took a small piece of cement and threw it his way.

''Matt, I am here.'' She cried and he crawled on with Severide. Suddenly the ceiling above her collapsed and she pushed her arm out, trying to keep it from falling on her as she screamed and something touched her upper arms.

''GABBY! OUCH!'' As she opened her eyes, almost falling of the bed, she saw Peter Mills turning away from her, pressing his hand hand against his jaw as she stopped screaming, her hand still pushed out in a fist and he looked back at her.

''Why did you hit me?'' He asked shocked and she looked at him, surprised and ashamed.

''I...I am sorry, I had a nightmare.'' She explained, hoping that he wouldn't tell Matt because Matt would question again. Damn, had she really hit him!?

''I am so so sorry.'' She said again and Peter Mills waved with his hand. ''It's okay, I shouldn't have woken you up by grabbing your upper arms. Can you help me out in the kitchen for a second?''

She nodded and walked after him, feeling guilty. He walked after her to the common room, thinking about the reason she could be so alert in her sleep. It could only mean she was afraid. Maybe it was still the attack. He would keep an eye on her, he should tell Matt, too. Ask him to keep an eye on her too. But then cooking got in the way of his intentions. He never told Matt.

After helping him out with making breakfast for the whole crew before shift finished she and Matt walked to the car, talking about the shift and again Gabby thought about telling him, just as after the hallucination she had thought about telling him, but again she didn't dare to kept silent, afraid for her future if she would tell him. She kissed him on his cheek as they were going to take a look in the new apartment.

They drove to the apartment downtown and entered the condo, taking the elevator the third floor. The real estate agent took them inside and baffled they looked at the view, it was not far, but they could see the Sears tower over the buildings on the other side, as well as other skyscrapers and Gabby loved it. They looked around.

''The master bedroom is kinda really small.'' Matt sighed then as they entered what would be their bedroom, which was barely any bigger than the other spare room. But they realized it was big for an apartment near the city centre and Gabby sighed.

''I really love it.''

''Me too. We should rent this place.''

''Really!?'' She smiled happily.

''Yeah, absolutely.'' He smiled as he kissed her. It was really pretty and they knew they could make a beautiful house for them here. Perfect for them.

''How about dinner to celebrate tonight?'' Matt said and she nodded. Later that day, at night they were in the restaurant close to his house that they both loved. They served the best sushi and Gabby loved it. Usually Matt was more for the restaurant with big plates with lots of meat, but sushi was okay with him as well.

''I love you and I am glad we are moving in together.'' Matt said as he tried to get a piece of sushi between his chopsticks but it kept falling down and Gabby got it for him, fed it to him.

''Don't you think we are moving to fast?'' He asked then, worried, afraid he was moving to fast for her and she shook her head.

''No, I love you and I think it is the right time for us because we love each other.'' She said.

''The only thing I want to ask you if you are truly not hiding things for me, because lately I feel like you do and we can trust each other, right?'' Matt asked, Gabby smiling as he managed with his chopsticks now and she nodded.

''Yeah, ofcourse you can trust me.'' She said then and he nodded happily.

She wished she could speak the truth to him.

At home, they went to sleep after celebrating with each other a little bit more and they fell asleep together, happy. Happy they were moving in together and Matt trusting her again as he had to if they were moving in together, without trust that would never work out.

Gabby woke up in the middle of the night.

In bed she opened her eyes, glad she hadn't had a nightmare again and she turned around, moving her head from Matt's arm to his chest and smiled as he was so peacefully asleep, turning around her heart suddenly stopped as her ears started ringing again and looking up she looked at the four people standing by the edge of their bed, looking at Matt. They looked different than the previous time, the mother and her three children, but there was still the dirt and the blood and they looking at him. Then they looked at her with some sort of sad expression, almost as if they were asking themselves why he had saved her and he hadn't been able to save them.

She sat up, crawling and woke up Matt in the progress.

''Matt, Matt, make it stop!'' She cried as she looked away, her ears still ringing and Matt pulled her in his arms.

''Babe, what is wrong?'' He asked worried and he tried to comfort her.

''Make them go away.'' She cried and buried her face in his shirt.

''Make who go away, Gabby talk to me!'' Matt said worried as he caressed her hair while she kept sobbing. Finally she pulled her face out of his shirt and looked aside, saw the family was gone and she realised that the ringing in her ears had stopped and she looked at Matt, crying and he cupped her face in his hands, worried as he looked at her. Immediately she realized she shouldn't have reacted like this to the fake visions again, Matt would know now.

''Matt...I...I don't...''

''Did you have a nightmare again?'' Matt asked worried and she nodded.

''Yeah, I dreamed that somebody tried to take our new apartment.'' She lied as she looked at him.

''I...I think you are hiding something for me. I don't believe you Gabby.'' Matt said, not to be mean but because he was worried. She laid down again, looked at him as tears burned in her eyes. ''If you don't believe me. Maybe we shouldn't be moving in together.'' She said then, hoping he would stop about it and just let her handle her own business. She was stupid for reacting so big to these things that weren't real.

''Babe, don't say that. I love you, I am worried.''

''There is nothing to worry about.'' She said fast, turning around and closing her eyes, crying in silence. Matt laid his arm around her. He wanted to ask about it but he was afraid she would get mad and they would had to trust her.

She had told him to trust her.

But he couldn't stop worrying.

* * *

NOTE: Gabby is too stubborn, even when she knows things are getting really bad she keeps lying to Matt. Even now she hit Mills by accident. And Matt is in denial, he wants believe Gabby because he loves her! Will Matt figure out what is wrong soon, or will Gabby tell him, or will it be to late and will this rip the two lovers apart? Big things are still coming up!

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you think this story is still realistic. Please do leave a review with that you think and if it is realistic before you go and tell me if updates are too fast. I can also update once every two days instead of every day. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

**Six days later**

* * *

''Almost done.'' Gabby said as she was putting the last decoration pillows on the couch and Matt laughed as he entered the room.

''Do you think we could still sit on that couch?'' Matt smirked as he looked at the big pile of pillows and she smiled as she laid her arms around his waist, her head against his shoulder. They shouldn't be moving in for another two weeks but as soon as they had gotten the key, they couldn't wait and Matt already sold his house anyway, so they were in her apartment, which was too small for the two of them. So it was good they had their own place now again.

''It's cozy, romantic.'' She said as she looked at the pillows.

''Yeah, a few pillows and cupid even falls in love with our new living room.'' Matt smirked but he smiled at her, he liked that she tried to make their new home and she pulled a few off the couch then;

''Luckily there is still some room on our bed.''

''You are unbelievable.'' Matt laughed as she walked away with the pillows and he followed her. Their bed was filled with the small pillows and Matt sighed.

''You know, we should sleep here, do things here, maybe make babies but this bed is just big enough for the both of us, not for a pillow empire.'' Matt said and she nodded, that he probably right and she got some off and smiled at him.

''Making babies yeah?''

''Yeah.'' He smiled as he laid his arm around her again and they looked at the view from the bedroom and he kissed her on her temple.

''Hopefully it will make the nightmares go away too.'' She said, just so he knew she wasn't hiding it and he kissed her again.

''I will make them go away.''

He couldn't. She had to handle the trauma herself, there was nothing he could do about it.

They walked to the kitchen as it was time to prepare dinner, it was still kind of bald as a lot still had to be bought and added. While she prepared dinner, he opened a bottle of wine. The doorbell rang and Gabby walked to the door.

''Antonio!'' She said as she hugged her brother.

''Always in time when there is food.'' She said then as he walked after her to the kitchen and Matt greeted her brother.

''Here, a plant and a vase.'' He said very bluntly as he handed it to Gabby and she laughed, put it on the kitchen table.

''Glass of wine?'' Matt asked as he pouring for him and Gabby and Antonio nodded.

''Show me the rooms.'' He told Matt then so Gabby could finish dinner and Matt walked along with him after putting down the glasses.

''You wanted to talk with me, right?''

''Your text about Gabby worried me. Is she okay now?'' Antonio said, referring to the text Matt had send him earlier about his worried about Gabby and Matt shrugged. ''She seems okay now.'' matt said as she had seemed like the old Gabby the last few days with the moving and the shifts they had done.

''Why are you talking about me?'' Gabby asked int he doorway.

''Nothing.'' Matt said. ''Let's get dinner and wine.'' He said then, trying to get over with the situation but she looked at them, mad.

''Gabby, it's okay.''

''It's not okay!'' She said mad as she backed off as Matt and Antonio walked back into the kitchen, unintentionally cornering her, her bumping into the kitchen table, the vast and the wine dropping to the floor as the table almost tipped over.

Behind Matt, a mom and three kids appeared again and her ears started ringing. Scared she backed even more off.

''Gabby?'' Antonio asked worried.

''Get away from me!'' Gabby said scared, reaching out to the knife on the counter and holding it out in front of her.

''Gabby, put the knife down!'' Antonio said as he tried to walk towards his sister, carefully and tried to calm her down, but she only seemed to get more upset. She still held the knife out and poked it forward.

''Go away from me, you are with them!'' She said as she looked at the family standing behind Matt, looking different again than the previous hallucinations and Matt looked at her, worried. Then he suddenly jumped forward, the knife cutting in his hand as he slammed it out of her hand and pulled her in his arms, his hand bleeding.

''Babe, they are not real. They are not there. It's going to be okay.'' Matt said as he tried to comfort her. She was still angry, raging, paranoid but she could not escape from his arms as he was holding her tight and finally she gave up the struggle, starting so sob.

''I am sorry, I am so sorry.'' She sobbed as she laid her face in his shoulder and neck and started to cry as he still held her tight and finally he lifted her up, holding her in his arms and he looked at the blood spreading on her shirt from his hand and he was afraid it would trigger her again. Antonio helped him carry her to the cough and laid her down, as she was still was crying and Antonio walked away to make a call.

''Matt, I am so sorry I should have told you. Please, please don't let them take me away.'' She said as she took his hands and he pulled the wounded one away.

''You are going to get help and you feel better.'' He tried to comfort her as he knew she needed help as soon as possible.

''We can bring her to the mental ward now. I spoke to a nurse and they will take her in for tonight, they will find out what is wrong with her and how they are going to help her.'' Antonio said and Matt wanted to talk back into the living room and Matt walked after him.

''I am going with you.''

''You are not, it will make her stay there for treatment only harder.'' Antonio said as they walked back to the living room. Matt walked to the bedroom, mad. When he wanted to pack some things in a bag for her he realized his hand was still bleeding and mad he wrapped a t-shirt around it to stop the bleeding. He packed her bag and walked after Antonio, feeling numb as he had his arm around Gabby. He could pull her out of the rubble, but he had been to naive to see what was going on now. How could he not have acted in time?

''Matt! Please, I love you! I don't want to leave you, I didn't want to hurt you!'' She cried as Antonio opened the car door for her.

''It's okay, I love you too. It will all be okay.'' Matt said as he hugged her before Antonio told her again to get in the car. Gabby looked in the mirror as the car drove away and she saw Matt standing there on the pavement, sad.

Matt bit his lip before walking inside as Antonio's car left the street, where he looked at the mess in the kitchen, upset. The knife was still on the floor, with his blood still on is and the vase and wine glasses were broken on the floor. The bottle of wine was in shards between the rest and the red wine was in a large puddle on the floor too. Slowly he started to clean it up after bandaging his hand and after that he laid down in there new bed, after shoving most of the little pillows off the bed so he could actually sleep in it and he listened to the sound of the train he was not used to, tears burning in his eyes as he tried to comprehend what just happened and he realized that he should have seen it coming, that he should have acted sooner.

* * *

NOTE: There was the breakdown. The first day in their new house went way different than expected. Poor Gabby, poor Matt. Can they get through this? Can Gabby get through this?

Thank you so much for reading I hoped you liked it. Pretty intense chapter but I wanted to speed the story up a little bit. What do you think will happen? What do you hope will happen? Please leave a review with what you think and keep me writing!


	6. Chapter 6

Matt slowly walked towards the mental ward in the hospital, scared for how he was going to find Gabby there. What if she had a bad night again?

He carried the bag with a few of the decoration pillows and a few more clothes, hoping he could make it a bit more at home for her if she had to stay. It made him feel horrible to even think about what she was going through and hopefully he could help her. finally he walked to the ward and waited for somebody to take him inside. He got a stick with his name it was pasted on his shirt and was walked to the next door. The staff entered a number and let him inside. Walking over the hallway, he looked at the man sitting in the corner, shaking his head and yelling not understandable things. He walked to the room at the end and opened the door, Gabby sitting alone in the big room filled with couches, chair and tables and she sat down next to her.

''I am so scared.'' She cried as she hugged him and started to cry against his shoulder.

''Babe, it's going to be okay.'' He comforted her again as he kissed her on her forehead, shortly, not sure if he was allowed to but as nobody was around, he guessed it was okay.

''The doctor will be here in a few minutes.''She said and Gabby caressed over her back. She looked at the bandage around his hand, worried and laid her hand over it.

''I am so sorry Matt. That I never said anything and didn't get treatment in time. I should have told you, now I hurt you.'' She said but he pulled his hand away.

''It's nothing, it will get better and now I just want you to get better.'' Matt said and she looked in the bag.

''Pillows?''

''To feel at home if you have the stay.'' He said, hoping to cheer her up a little bit and she smiled. He knew he was talking to his Gabby now. Although Gabby had had the breakdown yesterday, he knew he was still Gabby and he hoped that they could help her with the nightmares and the hallucinations soon.

''I am so scared, the man int he room beside me kept yelling the whole night. The people here are sick Matt.''

He looked at her with a deep sigh;''So are you.'' He said then compassionate, afraid she was going to deny treatment and slowly she nodded.

''I guess so.'' She said as she laid her head against his shoulder and the door opened. Matt moved backward as the nurse entered but she just held up a note.

''Dr. Meyers is ready to see you both now.''

Matt stood up with Gabby.

''Did you maybe bring some shoes?'' Gabby said then and only now Matt realized that she was walking on her socks.

''No...you walked in on shoes yesterday.''

''With heels, they took them'' Gabby said and Matt nodded,

''I will take some flats for your tomorrow. Can you have those here?'' He asked and she nodded. ''I guess so, but there are none in our house. I threw the old ones out, wanted to buy new ones before the summer.'' She sighed and Matt nodded.

''Can I ask Laura?''

''no, you can't tell her. Antonio promised to tell her that I went to Dominica for some family business. You can't tell anyone, Matt. I don't want people to know.'' She said sad and Matt nodded.

''I will buy you some, I guess.'' He said a little lost and she nodded happily. As long as she had some shoes again, she would feel a lot better. Last night, the only reason she had slept was because they had drugged her, but the man in the room beside her kept her awake for most of the night as he was yelling for a way home.

In the office they sat down. The doctor told her and him about the treatment, telling that she would be fine, that PTSD could be cured and that she would need therapy for a while, but that it would hopefully be gone soon, or at least the worst symptoms.

''Any idea on when I can go home?'' Gabby asked worried.

''In a week we will see how you are doing. If it's safe to let you home, we will let you go home, ofcourse.'' The doctor said with a smile and after talking more about th treatment, he let them outside and told Matt he should go home and return with visiting hour.

They walked out and Matt gave Gabby a brief hug, as there was a man waiting to take Gabby back and he looked at her.

''I will be here tomorrow.''

''Thank you...please don't tell anyone.''

Matt nodded and gave her a smile and waved as he walked out, feeling bad for leaving her behind like this, but he knew it was better for her.

After a day of lying where Gabby was Matt went back to the ward, feeling guilty for lying to people, but he knew Gabby would tell herself, eventually.

Matt visited again the next evening and was brought to a visitors room now and he got the red flats from his bag.

''Thanks Matt, those are actually very pretty.'' She smiled as she sat down, looking at them and he took them from her hands. He kneeled down and carefully put them on her feet and she laughed.

''Feeling like cinderella now.''

''Well, you are my princess.'' He said and she started to blush.

''That is so romantic.'' A girl sighed standing behind Matt and Gabby smiled at the girl.

''Tammy, this is my boyfriend, Matthew.'' She said friendly and the girl nodded, but did not take Matt's hands, shrugging nervously and shy.

''Matt, this is my roommate, Tammy.'' Gabby said as she invited Tammy to sit down with them as there was no family to be here for her and she felt kind of responsible for the younger girl.

''Tammy, Matthew is a firefighter. Remember you told me you made a picture of the fire truck, it might be his truck.'' Gabby said to the girl and Tammy finally showed a small smile.

''Truck 93.'' Tammy smiled then, shy.

''I am on truck 81, but I am sure it's a great picture.'' Matt said and Gabby nodded.

''It is, Tammy is a great photographer.''

They chatted with the three of them, Gabby keeping Tammy included int he talk and finally the girl seemed to cheer up a little bit. She thanked them for talking to her and she stood up, walked back to her room and Gabby sighed.

''You are really great with the girl.'' Matt said as he knew it was time to say goodbye again.

''I am a trained EMT remember?'' She said with a smile and Matt nodded. ''I know.''

''She is on suicide watch, there was no other room free so I get used to having a staff member bumping into our room. But it is only for a week and she is s sweet girl. She might go home too at the end of this week. Her family is actually really hard on her, that's why she had no visitors.''

Matt sighed compassionate, but hugged her then as the visit was over and he walked away, waving at her and she waved back. He knew it was hard to leave her there for a week, but then it would all be better. He felt bad he couldn't tell anyone about what was happening but he wanted to keep her safe and do everything for her he could possibly do.

It was the least thing he could do out of love.

* * *

NOTE: Matt is not mad about Gabby hiding things from him because he just wants her to get better and Gabby finally seems to make the best out of this situation and wants to get better. Can Matt keep his mouth shut though? Is Gabby really going to recover so easily?

Thank you so much for reading! I am glad you are still reading this story so massively,. I hope you thought this chapter was realistic. Please leave a review with what you think about this chapter! Thank you!


	7. Chapter 7

**Day 3 in the ward, Tuesday night. **

* * *

Gabby and Tammy were sitting in their room at the ward, both on their own bed but Gabby was telling her about her friend, Shay and the adventures they had gone through on the ambo. Especially Shay's action with the homeless man and the make-up. She wondered it Tammy had any friends as she was driven into severe depression and suicide so young. She was barely eighteen, but Gabby didn't dare to ask.

''Do you have any friends like that?'' She asked then, carefully.

''Sometimes I miss my friends.'' Tammy said then and Gabby sat up a little bit.

''You can always talk to me, I am your friend too now.''

''We used to talk about boys, that makes no sense to you because you have a boyfriend and you are older.''

Gabby smiled at her. ''I only had a boyfriend for the first time since my teen years two years ago. I am not that old. You can talk to me about boys.'' Gabby said then and Tammy laughed, sat up at her bed and smiled.

''I just like a few actors.'' Tammy blushed then. ''I really like Johnny Depp.''

''Yeah, he is cute.'' Gabby said and Tammy nodded. ''There was a guy on my school that looked like Johnny Depp, I asked him out for a date but he said no and laughed at me. I guess I deserved for asking a popular boy out...while I am me.''

''He is out of his mind, saying no to you.'' Gabby said but Tammy shrugged.

''It's okay. Matthew is handsome. He looks a little bit like that Australian actor that portrayed dr. Chase in House.''

Gabby smirked. ''Oh yeah, I thought that actor had longer hair.''

''He had, but I think he cut it now.''

Gabby smiled and looked at the clock. ''It's visiting time. Matt is coming, so I should go. We will continue talking after I return.''

Tammy looked as Gabby got up and walked away. Deep down inside she felt somewhat jealous as Gabby was allowed to leave next Friday and she had her boyfriend visiting her every day.

Gabby walked to Matt in the visiting room and hugged him for a second, the staff looking at her as they didn't seem to like contact, but she just had to hug Matt. If she hugged Matt it seemed like all the wrong seemed a little better and she smiled at him as they sat down.

''Not a single nightmare tonight.'' She smiled and Matt looked happily that she finally seemed to get better. The hallucinations seemed to be gone.''

''I am so happy to hear that, babe.'' Matt said, really happy because he knew it would mean Gabby could finally go home friday and he wouldn't have to lie to people anymore. That they would be together again in their own new home and that he would finally have her in his arms again at night. He missed her and he was worried about her and for her it was even worse, as she had no idea how and what he was doing at work and such.

''By the way, I brought you the sneakers you asked for. Don't want you to have cold feet in the flats.'' He said as he handed her the bag that had been checked thoroughly, containing her favourite sneakers and she kissed him on his cheek, grateful he took it for her. After visiting hour Matt went home again as he had a shift from Wednesday to Thursday morning and Gabby went back to her room, Tammy asleep and she went to bed as well, having a dream about Matt and her, finally something else than the horrible nightmares.

Matt went to shift the next morning while Gabby had therapy most of the day and spend the night chatting with Tammy. She really felt like she was bonding with the girl.

''So, are you going to visit me after you leave on Friday?'' Tammy asked out of nowhere and Gabby nodded. ''Ofcourse I will.''

''Thank you, that means so much.'' Tammy said and Gabby nodded. She hoped the girl could leave soon as well and finally start her life, as she was only 18.

That night, she dreamed about Matt asking her to marry her. Finally, only good dreams and she knew she was going home that friday and as it was already thursday morning, she knew that would be really soon.

Meanwhile, Matt finished his shift in 51 and started packing his bag to leave when Shay walked up to him.

''Hey, when is Gabby coming back from the Dominican republic? How bad are these family issues?''

''Not really bad, really. I am going to visit her tonight.'' Matt said, absent in his thoughts and Shay frowned at him. ''Are you flying there as well?''

''Oh, no I meant that she is coming back Saturday.'' Matt said as he knew Gabby would be home by then and Shay nodded, but still looked at him a bit suspicious.

''I know you are hiding something from me, Matt. You might have forgotten but I am her best friend and I am worried about her.'' Shay said and Matt sighed, leaned against his locker and he knew Shay had cornered him. Maybe she was right and he had to tell her the truth. ''Gabby...is in the hospital.'' He admitted then, but wanted to walk away then. But Shay grabbed him by his shoulder.

''What is wrong with her?'' She asked worried.

''Nothing, she will be home on Saturday, you should come see her then.'' Matt said and he wanted to walk away but Shay grabbed him by the strap of his bag and pulled him back.

''You are not walking away before you tell me exactly what is wrong with her.'' Shay said then, feeling bad because she knew something was wrong with her friend but Matt not telling her what.

''She...she had some problems after the attack. You might have noticed a little, but she suffers from PTSD. She is in the mental ward. Don't tell anyone.''

Matt felt really bad about telling it to Shay while he had promised Gabby he wouldn't, but he knew he couldn't hide things about Gabby to Shay and it actually felt good that he could finally tell somebody. Shay nodded slowly, sad. Now she realized why Gabby was acting so off.

''Don't visit her there, I promised not to tell anyone and I don't want to make her more upset.'' Matt said and Shay nodded. Matt gave her a short hug and walked away then, to his empty, lonely home without Gabby and Shay packed her bag and thought about the visiting hours on the ward. Thursday, she knew the hours from work and she really wanted to go see Gabby.

It couldn't be that bad, right? She would probably be happy to see her.

* * *

NOTE: Shay's unexpected visit is going to trigger a lot of things. A lot of things. Stay tuned for tomorrow because the chapter is going to be a hell of ride! Are you mad with Shay and Matt? Matt for accidentally spilling about Gabby and Shay for not listening to Matt and going to see her friend after all because she is worried?

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you did like this chapter and the direction this story is going to. It might be really different than expected, it is also for me but the story was very short at first, so I extended it with more storylines, which changed a lot. Please leave a review with what you think and what you want to see.


	8. Chapter 8

''That is so amazing. I have a dress like that.'' Gabby smiled as she looked at what Tammy was drawing. She was designing dressed. Gabby hated creative therapy, as she was not really creative. She was just waiting to go home, to be back with Matt and feel even better.

She stood up and walked to the window, not feeling up for finishing her drawing. She felt to old for this and for designing dresses as Tammy had proposed.

Matt was in their home, working on a wardrobe that still had to be fixed and his and Gabby's room and he wanted to get it done before she came home tomorrow. A part of her clothes were with her in the hospital and the others were in a box on the floor, but he wanted her to able to put them all in the wardrobe when she got home tomorrow. The only thing he hoped was that Shay was not to stubborn to actually visit her today. He was scared she did and that Gabby would be really upset with him tomorrow.

He almost dropped one of the shelfs and pushed it back in, finally getting ready and he closed the doors. Behind him was still the big pile of pillows on the bed and he smiled. It was at least one good memory they shared in this apartment, without even spending a night together in the bed.

Hopefully they would tomorrow, if she wasn't too upset with him.

At the ward, Gabby was having a talk with her therapist.

''Yes, no more nightmares. I feel a lot better.'' Gabby nodded.

''You are not home alone, right? You live together with Mr. Casey, right?'' Her therapist asked friendly and Gabby nodded at the woman. It was not that she was just nodding to get out of here, but she was honest. She did feel a lot better and she knew she would be fine being with Matt at home again. She couldn't imagine how she could have ever grabbed the knife, but at least that confusion and paranoia seemed to be gone, as well as the nightmares. The last few nights she had slept so well that it made her feel a lot better, just to sleep well again and she realized that just sleeping already made a lot of difference. She had talked about the hallucinations with the therapist and about the family that they hadn't been able to save in the attack.

The therapist had told her again and again that they were not real and the next time she thought she was getting a hallucination and it had worked. Now she kept telling herself they were not real and it seemed to be helping. The therapist nodded and wrote something down.

''You are doing really great Gabby. It is good you keep trying to participate so well in everything and that you are doing your best for the treatment.''

Gabby nodded again. ''I just want to get better.''

A little later, Gabby walked back to her room.

''You are really going home tomorrow, right? It will be very quiet without you here. I will miss you.'' Tammy said and Gabby nodded.

''Yeah, I am going home tomorrow.'' She said then, feeling bad as Tammy had to stay on her own and she seemed to get along with her really well and Tammy finally seemed less depressed than when she came here.

''Í will visit you though.'' Gabby promised then as she got her sneakers off, untying the laces and throwing them in the corner of the room. The young girl had really grown into her heart and she hoped she could take the promise even when she started working again.

''My earlier roommate promised me the same, but she never came during my previous hospitalization.'' Tammy sighed.

''I will visit you, I promise.'' Gabby said but Tammy didn't seem to believe her. Gabby stood up, slowly as she knew Matt would be here for visiting hour. Meanwhile, Shay entered, Matt standing behind her, upset. But he knew it was better when Shay went inside alone and talked to Gabby. He was afraid it would make her very upset. But hopefully their friendship was stronger than her anger.

''Gabby?'' Shay said, happy when she saw her friend and Gabby looked upset for a second, but ran to her friend then and hugged her. She had never been so happy to see Shay. Although she was mad Say knew and she was here now, she was also happy because she had friend here with her, that her friend finally knew what was going on. That she had somebody to talk with except for Matt, because he was sweet and she could tell him everything, but she didn't want to tell him everything, afraid to hurt him.

She sat down on the couch with Shay and smiled as her friend was finally here.

''I heard you are going home tomorrow, how are you feeling. I am so sorry I came here. I just needed to see you.''

''I am really happy you are here Shay, really. I missed you and I wished I had told you before.'' Gabby said but Shay nodded understanding. Gabby and Shay were talking and Tammy watched them from the hallway. She looked as the girl were talking and she realized Gabby would never be her best friend. She had other friends and she was older. Gabby was leaving tomorrow and Tammy was sure she was one of the many persons that also had left her life.

Sad the girl walked back to their room.

''You can't imagine how I am waiting for you to return. Working with McKauley is just drama. But you have to get better first...'' Shay said and Gabby nodded.

''I feel a lot better. Soon you will get rid of McKauley again.'' Gabby said with a promising smile and Shay nodded. The staff told them visiting hour was over and Shay promised to come by the see their new home on saturday and they would continue chatting and Gabby was happy her friend had come by after all. Sure, she was not happy that Matt had let it slip, but she also knew hiding things was not easy for him and that he was going through a lot as well with her being here. Slowly she walked back to her room, realized it was her last night here and she would be home with Matt tomorrow. She would still have therapy three times a week and they would keep a close eye on here, but she was really close to returning to normalcy again. She should have told Matt before, then maybe she wouldn't be here and she would be home with Matt now, but nothing could help it now and therapy was really helping her.

Opening the door to their room the smile suddenly disappeared from her face. fearful she looked at the feet, slightly dangling above the ground, Tammy's eyes closed and Gabby's shoelaces wrapped around her neck.

Falling to the ground, Gabby screamed, not able to move until the nurses took her away.

* * *

NOTE: Harsh ending. Can Gabby overcome this? Does she blame herself? Will this bring the recent loss of Jones and will this make her worse instead of better? Can Matt, Shay and Antonio still help her through this?

Thank you so much for reading, I hope this chapter did not disappoint you. I wonder if there is anything you want see in this story, like more Shawson or more Dawsey. Please tell me and what you think about the story up till now. Is it ooc? realistic? Or too much drama and over the top. Please do tell me by leaving a review and be honest. Thank you so much, again!


	9. Chapter 9

Matt jumped in his car, drove it of the pavement, backwards and drove away as fast as he could. HIs heard was racing in his chest as he was worried about the phone call he had just gotten. It was storming and it had took him a while to get home.

He rushed to the hospital, nearly crashing his car against a parked car as he did not know what was going on, but it was bad, otherwise they wouldn't have called him. The one word that he heard on the background in the phone call was suicide, said by somebody else and it worried him immensely. No, no, Gabby would never do that, right? Upset he kept driving and parked the car, ran into the hospital, tears burning in his eye sand somebody was waiting for him at the mental ward. He was taken, checked very quickly and was brought to an office.

His heart jumped as he saw Gabby waiting for him there and she jumped up, fell in his arms, sobbing. Rubbing over her back he looked at her therapist, lost, as he had no idea what was going on. She his her face in his neck and sobbed, loud.

''I am sorry to call you so late. Usually we don't call family members but take are of things internally but something happened tonight.'' The therapist said then and Matt nodded, looked worried as he didn't know what was going on but Gabby was so upset. The therapist nodded him to walk with him and Matt carefully put Gabby down on the chair and walked outside with the therapist.

''Her roommate, Tamara McCain committed suicide earlier this evening. Usually we don't call families, like I said, bt this...this is really...'' The doctor shook his head, hardly being able to comprehend what had happened and Matt shook his head. No, not Tammy! Not that shy but really nice girl, that seemed to get along with Gabby really well, not just for sharing a room. Not that girl, dammit. She had a whole life in front of her.

Just like Jones had had. It was so terrible when young life got lost like this. He manned up as he walked back into the room, laying his arm around Gabby.

''We will bring you to another room for tonight, then we will talk about it in the morning, okay, Gabby?'' The therapist asked and Gabby nodded. With somebody else from the staff walked with Gabby and Matt and he opened the door to another room, where the two beds were still empty. Gabby walked to her bed, slowly. Matt hugged her again on the edge of the bed and she sobbed against his shoulder.

''My stuff is still there, but I don't want to go in there.'' She sobbed. Matt kissed her on her cheek, tears still burning in his eyes but he had to stay strong for her, even after the terrible news and he stood up then, walked to their room to get her stuff. Matt was afraid for what he was going to find in the room but he knew he shouldn't be scared. The room was empty, but the stuff laying around and he tried to sort out which stuff was Gabby's and which was not. He packed it in her bags and took it to her room, where he helped her getting the pyjamas out and hugged her again as she still was shaken and Matt knew this was going to take more than a while to overcome, even now she had been doing to well.

''What is this?'' he asked as he held up a picture and Gabby sniffed.

''That is Tammy's picture of an actor you are supposed to look like.'' She took the picture from his hand and held it beside him.

''She was right.'' She cried then and Matt caressed her back again, comforting her.

''It is my fault, those were my shoelaces and I broke her trust because she didn't believe I would visit her after I would leave.'' Gabby said, numb now, although some tears streamed down her cheeks.

''Gabby you can not think like that. It is not your fault.'' Matt said worried. ''You have to talk to the therapist about this Gabby. It is not good you are thinking this.''

''But I can only talk about this with you, Matt.'' She said as she dried her tears and Matt got something from under his t-shirt, hidden in the jacket. He had taken it every time he visited her, but never dared to gave it to her. His old phone. Just the numbers she needed.

''I smuggled this in. Gabby, I know you are okay in here but I need to know if you are okay. You can always text me. it is just mine, Antonio's and Shay's number in there'' Matt said as he handed her the old, tiny phone. He knew it was forbidden to have phone's, but he wanted to able to check on Gabby. She nodded gratefully and laid it under her pillow.

''I think it is time to go.'' A staff member suddenly said and Gabby looked up, startled, afraid they were going to take the phone and Matt nodded at the man. He kissed Gabby goodnight, hoping she could at least catch some sleep tonight, even after the horrible events and he left after talking a little with her, telling her it was going to be alright.

''Remember babe, it is not your fault. Try to get better.'' Matt said, emotional he had to leave her behind like this, but she nodded and kissed him.

'''Miss you.'' She said and he nodded.

''Miss you too...and I love you.''

Then the staff complained he had to come with them and Matt disappeared on the hallway.

Gabby fell asleep after turning and closing her eyes for two hours when she suddenly saw Jones standing next to Matt in 51, walking her way then.

_''Rebecca?''_

_''Gabby. You failed us. You failed Tamara and you failed me.'' Rebecca said as she walked towards Gabby, smiling with a creepy smile and suddenly she raised the rebar, smaking it into Gabby._

Gabby woke up, shaking by what she just dreamed about and she turned around, searched with her hand under the pillow and took the tiny phone, dialing Matt's number as she tried not to cry.

''Gabby, you shouldn't call me. If they find this phone they will confiscate it.'' Matt said worried but Gabby just whispered;

''Matt, I love you and I want to be with you. I miss you.''

''I know, babe. I love you too.'' Matt said then and he heard her sniffing on the other end of the line.

''I want to be with you, but I need treatment. I just had a nightmare about Tammy and Jones and I know it is not real. I am going to be okay, Matt.'' She sniffed and Matt sat up at their house.

''I gotta go. I love you.'' She whispered as the heard the staff walking over the corridor and stopped the call, put the phone back in her pillow and tried to get back to sleep.

Matt looked the phone at Gabby had hung up and he let his hand trace his jaw, shaken up by what she just said, that the nightmares were back and he was so worried how she was feeling now, but was glad that she realized she needed treatment. Tomorrow he would hold her in his arms again, for a bit.

Gabby was crying in her bed as she thought about the shoelaces that Tammy...

How could she be so stupid to take those in this ward even when they allowed it? How could she be so stupid? How could the staff be so stupid?

Crying she fell asleep, another dream with Jones haunting her.

* * *

NOTE: Gabby is facing more recovery, but Matt is there to help her. But with Jones haunting her dreams as well,w ill she get out of there soon and back to work? Will Boden and the others at 51 find out? Tammy's death has sure triggered a lot not Jones' memory is also bothering Gabby.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you still like the direction the story goes in. Please tell me if there is anything you want to see and please leave a review.


	10. Chapter 10

**2 days later.**

* * *

''Hey.'' Shay said as she walked to Matt in the locker room and sat down on the bench. She looked as Matt threw the stuff in his locker, gloomy and sighed deep. She had avoided him the whole shift, not even daring to make eye contact but she knew she had to talk to him. They should help Gabby together. Help each other, too.

''I am sorry she didn't come home this weekend, so sorry what happened to her roommate. I am even more sorry I went there while you told me not to.'' She said then, honest and Matt turned around. He had dark circles under his eyes and Shay stood up, worried. She hugged him, afraid he was feeling really bad.

''Are you okay?''

''Not sleeping well with her still being there. I am worried. She seemed to be dealing, but I know she isn't. She isn't doing well and it worries me I can't see how she doing when I am worried.'' He said and he thought about the nights he had spend now, waiting for a text for her, afraid she was feeling bad but he would miss her text because he was asleep. There hadn't been a single text, but he had been awake almost the whole night.

''I am sorry, Matt. I am sure she okay there. Are you going to see her tonight?''

''No, I got to spend the night with Eva and Diego. Gabby already promised her brother. He and Laura are out of town and Gabby had promised to stay with them tonight till her mother could come over for the night.''

Shay nodded, but looked up then. ''I could stay with them tonight.'' She offered as she knew it would be good for Matt to see Gabby tonight, before he would also get even worse than he was now.

''What are you two gossiping about?'' Otis asked as he looked at Matt and Shay were standing close to each other between the lockers and Shay looked over Matt's shoulder.

''Oh you know, keeping Matt warm while Gabby is in the Dominican Republic.'' She said dryly and sarcastic and Otis turned around and walked around and Matt looked at Shay, grateful that she had not said anything about where Gabby really was. They walked outside and Matt got in his car, promising he would call Shay about that night and drove home. The new home still felt so empty and cold without Gabby there. There was a bunch of flowers on the table which he had bought for her for when she came home, but now they were mostly dried out as he hadn't given them any water.

The kitchen was a mess as there was one thing he hated even more than preparing dinner; cleaning up the mess he made with preparing dinner. He would clean it up, soon, before she came home. It was not as bad as when Hallie had died. But he was making a mess again. It was not that he was losing his mind, or that he was in some state of numbness like after Hallie's death, when he just carried on for work, but he was stressed and he missed Gabby.

He took his phone and sat down on the couch, looking at the view as he dialed Antonio's phone number.

''Hey, it's me, Matt. Yeah, I know you are in Milwaukee but listen. Is it okay if Gabby's friend Leslie watches the kids tonight?'' He asked, hoping Antonio would be okay with it.

''Yeah...but Diego will be very disappointed. He couldn't wait for you to come over this morning.''

Matt looked down as he didn't want to disappoint to the boy, but neither did he want to disappoint himself or Gabby.

''I know. But I really need to see Gabby tonight. I haven't seen her because of the shift yesterday...'''

''I am sorry Matt, it's okay, I understand.'' He heard Antonio say then and Matt thanked him as he hung up the phone and looked outside again.

A few hours later, Shay arrived at the Dawson house and knocked on the door.

''Leslie?'' Eva frowned surprised as she had met her aunts friend at Matt's last birthday.

''Sorry, Matt couldn't make it tonight. I had to say that he says hi to you and that you really like pizza, so I bet we ordering out tonight.'' Shay said and Eva nodded, let her in. Diego looked at her from the couch and frowned.

''Matt was supposed to come tonight! He promised to play call of duty with me!'' The boy said as he frowned at Shay.

''Just imagine my hair a little shorter and a little stubble on my cheek and hand me that controller, I am going to kick your butt.'' Shay said as she sat down next to him, Eva laughing and Diego handing her the controller.

Meanwhile, Matt walked into the hospital. It was almost a routine to get into the ward now and he walked to the visitors room, Gabby sitting at the couch in the corner, where they always sat and he walked to her with a smile, hugging her. They sat down and she sat against him as they were talking.

''How was the shift.''

''Not much happened, thought about you a lot.'' He said as he laid his arm around her, looking at the staff but the woman didn't seem to mind he did so. At least Gabby wasn't perceived as dangerous anymore.

''Thought a lot about you too.'' She said as she snuggled up more with him and kissed him on his jaw. The staff walked their way and Matt let go of her.

''It's okay.'' He said and the staff walked away again.

''I really missed you so bad two nights ago. I wanted to text and call you but was afraid to wake you up.'' Gabby said softly so they wouldn't hear about her phone. Matt looked at her with a wry smile.

''I didn't sleep that night, I was too afraid you would call or text me and I would be asleep.''

''Aww, but babe, you need to sleep. When I text goodnight, you go to sleep, okay?''

Matt nodded and the staff signed it was time to go again.

''Can you bring toothpaste tomorrow?'' She asked then and he nodded. ''Got it. Love you...and think about the goodnight.'' He said with a wink, feeling a little better now he had seen she was doing pretty well. He got his belongings as he walked out and saw the text from Shay that everything was going fine and he drove home, tired. Falling down on the bed he almost fall asleep immediately when he received a text; ''Goodnight.''

With a smile laid the phone aside, knowing he shouldn't text back as he didn't know if it was on silent and he fell asleep.

In the hospital, Gabby turned around and closed her eyes as well, exhausted from the long day of therapy.

Falling in a short sleep she woke up, sweating and shaking as it was about Jones and Tammy again, but then she sat up.

''It's not real, Gabby.'' She told herself as she laid down again and finally she fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about Matt.

* * *

NOTE: It gets harder and harder to hide it at the firehouse. But how long will it still be necessary? Can Gabby finally overcome everything soon and return home and finally be with Matt in their new home?

Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it and that the chapter didn't disappoint you. Please tell me what you thought and if there is anything you want to see in the story. Please do leave a review because not leaving one might disappoint Diego ;) Thank you!


	11. Chapter 11

**5 days later**

* * *

Casey walked out of his office, mad as Kelly kept walking behind him. He knew he had been absent with his mind during the last call and that was really bad. Really bad. He understood where Kelly was coming from but he was on edge, cranky and stressed. Gabby was coming home this afternoon and there was so much to clean up and fix in the house. Well, most of it was cleaned up and fixed. He just hadn't had time to do the dishes. He shouldn't worry so much, it was all going to be alright.

''Where were you with your mind the last call?'' Severide asked again as they were almost in the common room and Matt ignored him, went to get coffee. On the call, he had asked Matt to keep an eye on the car moving as they had tried to free the guy but when the car had moved, Matt was somewhere else with his mind and it pissed Kelly off, because it could have hurt the guys from squad.

''Matt, you are not here with your mind. What is wrong?'' Kelly asked angry, everybody in the common room looking at them and Matt turned around from the coffee machine, angry.

''Look, I said sorry, what do you want other than that? I wast paying attention, sorry. But nothing bad happened!'' Casey said mad as he poured coffee in his mug.

''You could have put us in danger.'' Kelly said angry.

''I didn't.'' Matt said as he turned around an looked at Kelly. He knew he had been with his mind somewhere else and that bad but nothing had happened and he just wanted Kelly to shut up about it.

''Neither did you pay attention.'' Kelly said, mad, as Matt didn't really seem to be listening to him. Well, Matt was listening but he didn't seem to realize what Kelly meant and that didn't seem like Matt, because he was always very precise and passionate.

''Stop nagging me!'' Matt said then as the threw his mug on the table, snapping as he was so annoyed and angry. ''I got enough on my mind right now with Gabby returning from the hospital and the last thing I need is you walking behind me, telling me what I do wrong and not stopping about it!'' He yelled angry. The coffee was dripping off the table out of the mug that had fallen over.

The common room was silent and Matt's blood turned cold as he realized what he just said. Getting red in the face he ran out of the common room, into his office. He tried to stay calm as he realized he had just snapped. Oh no, oh no. Gabby was coming home this very afternoon and he had snapped.

There was a knock on the glass of his office door and Kelly opened it.

''Matt, I am sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you like that.'' He closed the door behind him.

''What is wrong with Gabby?'' Kelly asked worried. He hadn't known better than her being with her family in the Dominican republic but Matt had clearly said she would be coming home from the hospital and hopefully nothing bad was up.

''Nothing.'' Matt sighed and he sat down on the bed. Kelly didn't know what to do about his friend, especially now eh didn't want to force Matt into talking so he left the office. The door opened again and Matt didn't even look up at Shay entered and sat down next to him, laid her arm around his shoulders.

''I told them.'' Matt said as he looked to the floor. His shoulders started to shake as he tried to keep himself from crying.

''I did. I told them why she was in the hospital because they were worried. Matt, don't tell her. I will take the blame.'' Shay said. He had told them because she knew they were worried about Gabby, they would never be mean or judgemental that she had had a breakdown because of the job.

Matt tried not to cry as he knew he failed Gabby really bad by this. He hadn't wanted to tell it in the common, not at all. But it snapped. he just said it without thinking and now they all knew.

''I had to tell them, but it is my fault, Matt. I told them why she was in the hospital.'' Shay said again, hoping that Matt would put the blame on her because she didn't want Gabby to get upset with him as he had done so much for her when he was in the hospital and he had missed her so bad.

Shortly after they left the station, Matt with a nasty feeling inside as he knew he couldn't blame Shay. It would make him feel even worse and it was not honest. It was his fault, not Shay's. Slowly he drove to the hospital and saw Gabby waiting outside. She jumped in his arms and kissed him, long, after the weeks they couldn't kiss any longer than a short peck. She was almost crying as he put her down again and looked at him with an emotional smile, so glad she was finally going home. To their home.

They got in the car and Matt drove home, trying to assemble all his courage to tell her but he couldn't. They walked into their home and Matt excused the mess.

''It's barely anything. Just doing the dishes and it's all perfect again.'' Gabby smiled and Matt nodded. He was so glad she was home. Maybe he wouldn't have to tell...no, he had to. She would find out anyway as soon as her first shift. He could better tell her honestly.

After doing the dishes they sat down on the couch to watch a movie and Gabby laid against his shoulder. His fingers played with her hair and he closed her eyes, so happy he was finally home but the burden of his secret was pushing on his heart and mind and he knew he had to tell her.

''Babe...about starting working again...'' He started.

''Next shift I return to 51 and it will be like nothing ever happened. Except for therapy three times a week, but I will plan those outside of shift.'' She said with a smile as she looked at him, expecting Matt to smile back but instead he looked guilty.

''They don't know...right?'' She asked fearful.

''I...I snapped and I...I am so sorry.'' He said as he looked at her. He wanted to hug her but she stood up from the couch and walked away, crying.

* * *

NOTE: Matt snapped by accident, but can Gabby forgive him? Will this cost each others trust and the friendship between Shay and Gabby? Can Matt make it up to her? Or do you think she shouldn't be angry because nobody at 51 will ever blame her? But is Gabby really doing as well as she tells Matt or is she still experiencing things she shouldn't?

Thank you so much for reading. At first it wasn't my intention to have Matt snap, but I think it is an interesting side of their relationship to explore because they of course both want to stay together but can they even now Matt broke Gabby's trust by accident? I hope you still liked this although it is maybe not what you wanted to see but i hope you still want to follow the story - otherwise it would also get very short. Please tell me what you thought by leaving a review! Thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

''Gabby, Gabby. I am so sorry!'' Matt said as he jumped up and followed her to the kitchen. She was still crying and he laid his arms around but she pushed him away. She was so mad, so mad that he had broken her trust.

''Gabby, don't cry. It's okay. i am so sorry, but nobody in the firehouse will ever be mean or bug you about it. You know that, right? It is good that they know, they can help you.'' Matt said as he refused to walk away from her, not now she was so upset.

''Matt, it is not about the firehouse, it is about that I trusted you but you broke that promise. You told them while i asked you not to. I begged you not to, but you did.'' She said sad and Matt nodded as he knew it was bad that he had said that. He hadn't done it on purpose but he understood Gabby. He understood she was mad. She hated that he had broken her trust but she also realized that she had lied to him as well.

''I know, but you lied to me too. You told me you were fine and you were not.'' Matt said then and he knew what he said was wrong. Gabby looked at him, raging and she shook her head and walked away. She walked t their bedroom and closed the door, slumped down on the bed and started to cry. Like she said, she wasn't even so mad that the firehouse new, although she did not like that, but she was so mad because Matt had broken his promise. She knew she could usually trusted him but it was upsetting tha the had broke his promise now.

''Can I come in?'' Matt asked he knocked on the door. At first he wanted to walk in as it was his house as well but the last thin he wanted now was making her more upset. He opened the door a little bit and looked inside. As she did not reply he sat down next to her on the end of the bed.

''I am so, so sorry.'' He said again and he looked at her, sad. Gabby tried to be mad at him as she knew she should. But his puppy face was irresistible and she also knew that it hadn't been easy for him that she was there. Maybe he had told it on accident.

''Okay.'' She said then with a small smile and she laid her head against his chest. He laid his arm around her again and kissed her on her forehead, so happy she was finally home. Finally they could build a future in this new home. Sure, Gabby still had a piece of recovery to go but she had already recovered a lot. They had dinner together and watched another movie before going to bed. Gabby felt a lot better in Matt's arms instead of the lonely room in the hospital and she enjoyed his body heat as she laid in his arms. He was already asleep, as he could finally sleep well now she was home, safe in his arms. Gabby smiled as he was asleep. Sure, she still was mad he had broken her trust and it would take a while for her to forgive him completely but now she was just so happy she was home. She closed her eyes and fell asleep as well.

Then she woke up again, with another nightmare and Matt woke up as well.

''You are home, it's okay, it's not real.''

''I know, I know.'' She said, calm as she knew it was not real. Hopefully, the nightmares would completely go away soon. Matt held her in his arm again and Gabby turned again his arm, looking at him.

''It's okay, you can go back t sleep. I wait a little in case I get another nightmare.''

Matt turned her way again and threw one of the pillows out of bed because it was poking against his head and smile at her. She laughed as she realized the decoration pillows were still annoying him.

''What did you dream about?''

''Having to go back to the hospital, that only see you an hour a day and that i have to go to bed all lonely again.'' She said and Matt kissed her on her forehead again.

''Not a chance.''

''What did you dream about? You were smiling when you fell asleep before me.''

Matt breathed out and smirked.

''You don't want to know.''

''Bikini babes?'' She smirked back, but softly as she didn't want to wake their new neighbours as it was in the middle of the night. Matt then sighed.

''A baby. Our baby.'' He said then and Gabby smiled.

''That is sweet.''

''Yeah, maybe, later.'' he said then with a smile and she nodded. She laid down on his chest again and he laid his arm around her again and they fell asleep again, to be awoken by the alarm that announced it was time to go to their shift. Gabby didn't have therapy and was planning on doing the shift. Matt was still worried.

''Are you sure you are ready to go back?''

''Yeah.'' She smiled as they had breakfast and finished it as it was time to go. They walked to the firehouse from the new apartment. He had his arm around her again as they walked and she looked up at him. She was glad that she had made up with him. Sure, shew as still mad and as a woman she knew she would be mad while Matt probably forgot about it next week, but this morning she had texted with Shay and Shay had told her that Matt had felt so guilty and that he had been so stressed because of her wellbeing. Shay told her that he had been stressing out and he had even been down because of everything and now she felt bad for even being mad at him. She realized it had not just been her who was affected, but him as well. She grabbed his hand a little tighter and smiled at him. They got a cup of coffee at a shop and kept walking on.

They walked to the station, hand in hand and Matt stopped for a second, looking Gabby deep in the eyes before they kept on walking and he looked at her.

''Babe, are you sure you are ready to return? You know what you are facing again and I am sure that you are ready, I am just worried about you.'' He said and Gabby nodded with a smile.

''I am ready and I got you and Shay very close to me. It is going to be fine.'' She assured him and she kissed him, grabbed his hand and they walked to the firehouse.

''Hey, looked who is here!'' Severide said as he jumped up from the squad table and hugged Gabby. Gabby smiled as they all reacted excited to see her back, but they were not overreacting and she and Matt walked to the locker rooms and got changed. Pouch jumped up as she saw Gabby and walked to her, Gabby petted the dog and felt so home in the firehouse again.

* * *

NOTE: Gabby forgave Matt...sort off. Sure, she didn't forgive him completely and these trust issues might still come up later. But for now she is just happy to be home and with him again.

I hope you liked this chapter. Please tell me if there is anything you still hope to see in the story by leaving a review or PMing me and please tell me what you thought of this chapter as well. Thank you!


	13. Chapter 13

Matt and Gabby walked home to the new apartment after the shift, Matt not saying anything to her. He had thought that they were okay but during the shift she suddenly was upset with him again. She had talked to Shay and the others had barely mentioned it, but still she seemed upset with Matt again and it made him sad, because he had no idea what he had done wrong now.

Gabby walked next to Matt and ignored Matt. She tried not to be mad anymore as she had forgiven him yesterday but she was mad again now some of her co-workers had mentioned it. It was not that that was directly his fault but she realized that he still had broken her trust.

''Do we have any plans for today?'' Matt finally asked carefully and Gabby looked up, sighed for a second and shrugged.

''I thought you had some construction work in our other bathroom.''

Matt nodded. He had hoped they would do something nice and fun together this afternoon. He had been thinking about taking her to the pier but now he realized that she was still mad at him and he was quiet again.

''Maybe we can go to the pier tonight and have dinner around there?''

Gabby shrugged.

''I am going to have lunch with Antonio.'' She said then as they arrived home and walked inside. Matt decided to leave her alone before they would even get worse and he started working on the sink in their second bathroom, which would not be used by them, but they wanted to get it working and all right. He was upset because Gabby was upset with him again. he understood that she was still mad but then she shouldn't have forgiven him before. Now he was even more confused because he understood that she was upset, but couldn't talk about it.

Gabby got changed for lunch and for a second she thought about talking to Matt as she knew it was not fair. He thought he was forgiven and now she was angry again. She knew it was unfair but she didn't dare to trust him because of this.

She walked to the bathroom and stood behind Matt, whom looked up as he heard her approaching.

''Can I take the truck?''

''Sure babe. Will we still go out tonight?''

''I don't think so.'' She said, blunt and walked out, to the truck and drove to the lunchroom where she and her brother were supposed to meet up.

Gabby entered the lunchroom and sat down by the table where Antonio was sitting and sighed.

''Hey brother.''

''Hey sissie, how are you feeling?''

She shrugged. ''Me and Matt are not good anymore. He told the firehouse about my hospitalization while he had promised me he wouldn't and I tried to forgive him but I am still angry. He broke my trust and I don't know if I can trust him again. I love him so much but what is love without trust?''

Antonio nodded. ''It's not good that Matt broke his promise and you have the right to be upset but you know that it wasn't easy for him either, right? When you were in the hospital, he was so worried about you. He came to see you every night and his life turned around being there for you and trying to hide everything. It is not that weird he broke and slipped the information. I can't talk right what he did but you have to cut the guy some slack.'' Antonio said in all honesty because that was how he felt about it. Like he said, he understood that Gabby was upset because he broke that promise but he also knew that the time that Gabby was in the hospital was not easy for him.

Gabby nodded, slowly. First she felt upset that her brother was so truthful but she also knew that was right. She kept nodding and sighed then.

''I guess you are right.''

They chatted about her first shift and Antonio stood up. He had to get back to work and Gabby had to get to therapy. She felt bad to drive back to the hospital and to the ward where she didn't want to think about anymore. The ward where she had found Tammy...no, she shouldn't have those thoughts anymore! She walked to the doctor's office and after talking about how her days at home were going, she went outside again, to the car. It had been a good talk, she felt better and she knew she was doing better.

Gabby drove home and looked as Matt was sitting on the couch, watching National Geographic and he looked up. She sat down beside him on the couch and kissed him on his cheek. Matt looked surprised and she took his hand.

''I am sorry that I was so mean to you today. I know it was not easy for you either...I am confused...but there is one thing that I am not confused to about. That is that I love you. Can we please go to the pier tonight as you proposed? I love the idea.''

Matt nodded, kissed her and they got up and got in the car, drove the pier and walked to their favorite restaurant there. They took place by the table and ordered their drinks, looking out over the water and she smiled, glad to be here with him and she was glad she had talked to Antonio, because she needed Matt in her life and she was stupid for pushing him away, even if had made a mistake. He smiled as they got their food and dug in, enjoying that they were just hereafter all that happened. They took a walk over the pier after dinner and she finally held his hand again.

''Are we good again?'' Matt asked then and she turned his way, hugged him and kissed him.

''Yeah, we are good again.''

''Really, this time?''

''Yes, I think that it is time to stop thinking about the past and look at the future.''

* * *

NOTE: Matt and Gabby finally truly made up. Do you think Antonio is right and Gabby to for finally forgiving her? What will the future bring for them and can Gabby finally keep her head up now?

I hope you liked this Chapter, thank you so much for reading and still following the story. Please leave a review with what you thought and what you would like to see. Also, do you want the story to be much longer or should I finish it soon? Please tell me!


	14. Chapter 14

Gabby walked through the empty hallway, nothing in the hallway was familiar to her. Not the doors, not the paintings of the people that were staring to her, blankly.

''Gabby?'' He she heard Matt's voice, in panic and scared she wanted to run to him. She ran over the hallway, as fast as she could. She wanted to reach Matt, found out what was wrong as flames started to fill the hallway. She heard an earth shattering bang and kept running, through the flames. Turning to the hall she saw a firefighter, trapped under a fallen beam and she fell down to her knees, between the flames and looked through the glass, that was filled with blood and she tried to pull the firefighter from under the beam. Matt.

He started to convulse and as she pulled his mask off, she saw the head wound. A crying baby was heard and she took the babies from his arms, not knowing what to do. As long as she held the baby she couldn't save Matt, but she couldn't let go of the baby. She was frozen as the baby was crying and Matt was bleeding on the ground, shaking and moaning. She almost dropped the baby as she needed to safe him, when she suddenly felt somebody taking the baby from her hands. She turned around, to see Tammy and Jones standing right after her.

''This is not real, this is not real!'' She said to herself in her dream and she closed her eyes. The cold hands caressed hers and she peeked through her eyelashes as she saw Hallie sitting on the beam right next to Matt.

''it's okay he is with me now.''

''IT'S NOT REAL GABBY!'' She suddenly heard and somebody was shaking her shoulders and she opened her eyes, looking as Matt leaned over her, trying to wake her up.

He held her in his arms as she was breathing rapidly, knowing that it was not real and that it was just a nightmare. Slowly her breathing calmed down and her tears dried as he kept kissing her on top of her head, whispering sweet words in her ear and he caressed her back. Finally she calmed down and stopped crying and pulled back out of his arms and looked at him.

''It's okay.'' She sighed then, curling up for a second and slowly she stood up, out of bed. He followed her to the bathroom and handed her the glass of water as she was taking her medication.

''Do you want to go back to bed?'' Matt asked worried.

''No, I need to put my mind at ease. I am going to watch some TV, helps me with thinking about something else.''

Matt nodded and she was surprised as he walked with her but Matt didn't want her to go through this on her own. He sat down on the couch and pulled her against her as she switched on the TV and pulled a blanket over them as she laid against his chest. She felt a lot calmer now and he hand caressed his chest. Her hand caressed her back as they watched to the documentary about crocodiles. It didn't really interest any of them, but it was okay. It distracted her from the nightmare.

Matt looked at her and saw she was asleep again and he lifted her up, carried her back to bed. She seemed peacefully asleep now and Matt hoped she still got some good night's rest. He laid her back in bed, pulled the blanket over her and kissed her on her forehead and she grabbed his hand.

''You were awake?'' He asked worried but she shook her head.

''I was dozing off and then I woke up when you put be to bed.''

She turned his hand around and looked at the thin red scar in the palm of his hand. She traced it with her nail. ''Sorry.'' She said as she looked at the scar but he closed his hand and shook his head.

''Don't be sorry.'' He said as he had forgotten about the scar already.

''But I am. I almost stabbed you.''

''But you know under what circumstances. Gabby, I don't blame you for anything.'' He said as he laid down next to her and laid his arm around her. He truly never blamed her for anything and the least thing he worried about was that scar in his hand. He just wanted her to feel better.

''You know you need to talk about the things that bother you, right?'' He said then as he pulled her closer.

''I dreamed that I was in a hallway, full of fire and I heard you being in distress and I looked for you and when I found you, you and the baby were pinned under the beam and i took the baby but because my hands were full, I couldn't pull you out and you were convulsing...and the head wound. Then the baby was suddenly taken from me by Jones and Tammy and I told myself it is not real...then you woke me up.'' She said as she realized it was better not to mention Hallie, as it would really upset Matt. She would tell the therapist that she had been in her dream for sure and explain him about Hallie, but she did not want to mention Hallie to Matt and she felt guilty as it was a secret between them, but she knew it was better to keep it a secret.

''I am sorry.''

''I know it is not real, Matt. I am okay. Thank you for waking me up, though.''

Matt kissed her on her forehead. ''I know, but anything is wrong, you should tell me...although...''

''No Matt, of course I will tell you again...I mean...our trust...it is...okay...I guess.'' She said. She knew she had forgiven him and she tried to keep up with it but it still resented her from telling him everything. But she did tell her about his nightmares as he deserved to know. He had been supporting here all through her hospitalization and he had told...no, she had to stop thinking about and think about the future, this was also not going to get her better.

Matt kissed her again and finally she closed her eyes, her head still on her chest.

''Goodnight.'' She said then and Matt pulled the blanket over the both of them again it was could, but they were warm in each other's arms.

''Goodnight.''

* * *

NOTE: Matt is helping Gabby through the rough times while she is still having trouble with trusting her while he still thinks they are okay. She is also keeping secrets from him. Can their relationship still stand?

I hope you liked this chapter, it had a bit more Dawsey and just told about one night where he is helping her. I hope you liked the storyline and the cuteness, but also the second thoughts again. Thank you so much and I am glad you are still following the story. Please leave a review with what you thought about this chapter before you leave and maybe what you want to see in the upcoming chapters! Thank you.


	15. Chapter 15

Gabby sat in the ambo with Shay, eating the sandwich while it was still parked in 51.

''So why are we eating here?'' She asked then as they never eated in the ambo without a reason and Gabby finished her sandwich and shrugged.

''Nothing.'' She lied and Shay looked at her with a tilted head.

''It's Matt, right?'' Shay asked as she seemed to be avoiding Matt all shift long, while he kept looking for her.

''He is so worried about me it almost suffocates me. I love him, a lot, but I get a little done with him following me around everywhere I go.'' Gabby admitted. She knew that he loved her and he was just worried but it made her nervous that he was following her all around.

''Give him some time to see you are alright. You realize he is a man right? Those need some more time to process.'' Shay joked and Gabby smirked.

''Probably, yeah.'' She said then and Shay got out of the car to throw the rubbish away. Gabby sighed as she realized she should just tell Matt she was okay instead of avoiding him but she knew he meant it well that he was so worried and she wanted to get out of the ambo to tell him but then they were out for a call and Shay jumped back in the ambo and they rushed away. Only the ambulance was called out and Gabby grabbed the dispatcher, got the adress and she looked away from Shay as they were told it was an attempted suicide.

As they ran up the stairs gabby tried to ease her mind even though she was a teenager... Like tammy. Also young. Like Jones. As they entered the room they ran to the bed. Her parents had laid her down on the bed and gabby tried not to look at the rope with which the girl had tried to end her life.

"come on girl. " Shay said as she checked if the girl was breathing.

"she is not breathing. " Shay said then.

"she was just a minute ago. " the mom said crying.

Gabby pushed Shay aside and tried to do cpr. Then she grabbed the paddles.

''Gabby stop, we have to call time of death.'' Shay said as she laid her hands on the girls abdomen so Gabby couldn't use the paddles again but Gabby looked determined. She couldn't let this girl go, not like she hadn't been able to safe Tammy...like she had Tammy kill herself.

''Let go Shay, charge!'' Gabby said again and Shay did so, trusting her friend and again she charged the paddles and Gabby pressed them against the girls chest.

''We got a pulse!'' Gabby said and they hurried to get her in the ambulance. Gabby kept pushing the bag to give her air and they rushed to the hospital. As they arrived the girl was taken away and Gabby looked as she was still alive when t he yarrive dand she could only hope she could pull through and overcome whatever had drivne her to this edge. She and Shay drove back to 51 and she got out, Matt waiting for her and she walked with him.

''Are you okay?''

''Yeah...I saved a girl, Matt. I saved a girl that tried to kill herself. She reminded me of Tammy.'' She said and Matt hugged her, caressing over her back; ''Are you okay?''

She nodded and give him a small smile; ''I am okay. I am glad I could save her, she reminded me off Tammy.''

Matt kissed her on her forehead and he looked at the clock. ''Shift is over.''

They got their stuff and walked to his trucka nd were ready to drive home when Matt sighed when they stepped in the car.

''Why were you avoiding me? I just wanted to ask you out for dinner tonight.'' He said and she looked at him guiltily.

''Óh, I thought you want to ask me how I was again and check on me.''

''That too, but dinner was my intention.''

''Sorry and yes I'd love to go out for dinner with you...can we maybe stop at the hospital before driving home?'' She asked then and Matt nodded, drove to the hospital and parked there. She got out and walked isnide, to the desk.

''I wanted to get an update on a girl me and my partner brought in earlier this morning.'' Gabby said and the nurse nodded.

''A girl was brought in here earlier this morning, attempted suicide.'' Gabby said and the nurse checked the files as she recognized Gabby as a EMT that brought patients in more often.

''Usually you never follow up on cases.'' The nurse remarked.

''I have my reasons.'' Gabby said calm and the nurse grabbed a paper and read it.

''She is alive.'' The nurse said then. Gabby nodded with a small smile and nodded.

''Thank you for telling me.'' She said then and slowly she walked out. Whatever happened after this with the girl didn't matter, she had finally been able to save one...she finally had been able to save tammy.

* * *

NOTE: Gabby managed to save a girl like Tammy, will this help her on the road to recovery? Poor Matt just wanted to aks her out and she avoided him! But the dinner and night out will make it up for sure, I promise! It will be in the upcoming chapter, probably!

Thank you so much for reading and please leave a review with what you thought about this chapter!


	16. Chapter 16

Sitting in their favourite restaurant, they got handed their menus. Gabby ordered their favourite wine and as they waited,s he looked at the woman by the other table...those eyes...the face...

Matt checked the menu...maybe he had to take the chicken, or the steak. He wasn't sure. He wasn't even sure about the side dishes and he wanted to ask what Gabby was going to take, but when he looked up she was still looking at the table beside them. His eyes crossed the eyes of the man that was with the woman Gabby was looking at and he gently kicked against her leg under the table and she looked back at him.

''Why are you staring?'' He said softly behind the menu.

''I wasn't'' Gabby said, looking at Matt with a weird expression.

''Yes you were and last time I was staring in a restaurant, we got in a fight. Let's not go down that road again.'' He said, arching his brows and she nodded, looked back in her menu.

''I am going to have the steak.'' He decided then, laying the menu aside, only to see Gabby looking at the other woman again and upset he looked at her. The woman now looked back at Gabby.

''Something wrong?''

''Oh...no I am sorry, you just really look like a high school friend of mine. Sorry.'' Gabby said with a smile and Matt looked in the menu. He knew she was lying, but hopefully the woman wouldn't notice.

''Oh, it's okay.'' The woman said and Gabby looked at him.

''Should we get appetizers?'' She asked and Matt looked over the menu.

''Maybe we should take the wine and leave.'' He said as he looked out of the window.

''Matt, what is wrong?'' She asked worried and since he didn't want to ay anything in the restaurant, he ordered food and they ate.

''What is wrong with you?'' She asked angry as they walked out a little later.

''What is wrong with me!? What is wrong with you?'' Matt asked a little angry. ''You were staring at that girl! Why, Gabby?''

''Why are you so angry, like I said, she looked like my high school friend.''

''You were lying.'' Matt said as they sat down in the car and he felt angry because Gabby was not honest with him, after all of this. He wanted her to be okay but when she was lying, she was obviously not okay and that worried him. He just wanted her to be honest and it hurt him she was not. Like she didn't trust him.

'''Let's go home.'' She said shortly.

''Why can't you be honest with me?'' Matt asked angry as he started the car.

''I was honest Matt.''

''You were lying.'' Matt said angry. He knew she was.

''Okay, you really want to know? I was looking at her because she looked like Hallie, a lot. I didn't want to tell you because i don't want to talk about Hallie with you.''

''She didn't look like Hallie.'' Matt said as he drove away, almost sighing.

''She did.''

''Can I please be the person to decide if a girl looks like MY deceased girlfriend?'' Matt said, really angry now and Gabby looked out of the window. ''Why would you stare at somebody because you think she looks like my deceased girlfriend.'' He added then as he really didn't like she had been staring at those people and hadn't told him the truth to begin with.

Gabby knew Matt was really angry now and it was better to tell the truth now.

''I...Hallie appeared in my dreams sometimes and I didn't want to upset you, so that is why I didn't tell you...I am sorry, Matt.''

''You dreamed about Hallie?'' Matt asked shocked, angry.

''I can't help it!'' Gabby said sad.

''I know but you could have told me!'' Matt said angry. ''I thought things were finally going well with you, but they are not and you are not telling me.''

''I am sorry Matt but I could really use your comfort right now.'' Gabby said and Matt parked the car by their apartment.

''Tell me about it!'' He said then as he got out of the car. Every painful wound he had from losing Gabby just got ripped open now and the last thing he could do now, was comforting Gabby while he could use some himself.

''Let's go to bed.'' Gabby said, hoping they could end the day after this

''I am not sleeping in bed tonight.'' Matt said as he walked to the living room, to their big lounge couch.

''Why not? I need you with me, otherwise I can't sleep without nightmares.''

''Gabby I don't know how much more of this I can take, honestly. I know it is hard, after the attack, after losing people, it's hard, I know. But this...with Hallie...Gabby...I don't know.'' Matt said sad and Gabby turned around.

''Please come to bed with me, Matt.''

''I don't know, Gabby.'' Matt said as he got the blanket for the couch. It was not that he didn't want to share a bed with her, but he was too afraid she would wake up with another nightmare...and it would be about Hallie. It was hard for him that she had nightmares and was suffering from them before but now he knew Hallie was in them, he felt even worse about them.

''Matt...''

''Gabby, this is not just about you. I want to help you but you know, losing Hallie was hard for me and going through mourning over her again because you dream about her...I can't handle it.'' Matt said and hurt Gabby walked away to the bedroom, falling in bed and facing a night full of nightmares.

* * *

NOTE: Things are not going well between them and now none of the two is feeling well. Do you think Matt was being to hard on Gabby for not wanting to go to bed with her because he couldn't take comforting her or Gabby for expecting that after she admitted about dreaming about Hallie?

i hope you liked this chapter, I am sorry for the late update but I was thinking about some ideas for this story. I hope you like the direction this story is going now. (Yes Dawsey has some problems to work out...) and please do leave a review with what you think!


	17. Chapter 17

Gabby looked for a second as Matt was still asleep on the couch and she thought about waking him, telling him that she was going to go away, but he was sleeping peacefully and she didn't want to wake him up.

''Matt?'' She asked softly and she wanted to walk away as he did not seem to hear her and slowly she started to walk away.

''Gabby...wait...where are going?'' Matt asked confused as he sat up and rubbed his hair back, looked at her with a sleepy face.

''I am leaving, Matt. It's better for the both of us.'' She said but he jumped up.

''I don't want you to go.'' Matt said worried. ''Why would you go. I am sorry about last night, I...I...I am sorry.'' Matt said as he walked to her and laid his arms around her.

''No...I can't be a burden to you.'' Gabby said as she shook her head but Matt held her close and looked at her, worried.

''You are not a burden and I am sorry about what I said last night. You are not a burden, I mean it. I am sorry for what i said, I said but because I was upset after you mentioned Hallie and I knew it was stupid to say.''

''I have to go, Matt.'' She said sad and Matt looked as she started to walk away but he ran after her.

''Please, please don't go baby. I was stupid last night...and upset. Please don't go.'' Matt said sad but before he could do anything, Gabby walked out of the door, closed it. Matt opened the door, saw her walking down the hallway and he wanted to run after her again, but the neighbour was looking at hm and he stood behind the door, as he was wearing his underwear only.

''Gabby, please!'' He yelled but she kept walking.

Upset he walked back into the apartment, running to the bedroom and getting dressed faster than he ever did before. Running down the stairs he saw her car was gone and quick he ran to his own truck, driving off the parking space and driving to Gabby's parents. Slowly he got out of the car now and walked to the front door. Nervous he pressed on the door bell and looked as her mother opened the door.

''Goodmorning miss Dawson...did Gabby stop by here earlier?'' He asked immediately.

''No...no...she did not come here. Something wrong, Matthew? Do you want to come in.''

''No, it's okay, have a nice weekend.'' Matt said as he ran away and Gabby's mom frowned, but closed the door. Matt sat down in the car, tried to call her again but she did not take her phone and cursing he started to call again. Slowly he started to drive to Antonio's house, knowing that he would find her there but he was nervous, as Antonio was there and he knew that she was very protective to his sister and he had heard her.

He didn't want to hurt and he regretted what he had said. She was not a burden and he was worried about her. Yesterday,t he memories of Hallie had upset him and that was why he had said these things but now he felt so horrible about last night. He should have slept beside her, held her in his arms and even comforted her if she had a nightmare about Hallie. He had been stupid for sleeping away from her and upsetting her.

He parked the car on the sidewalk and got out of the car, walked over the small garden path to the front door and before he even opened the door, the door swayed open and Antonio looked at him, angry.

''What did you say to Gabby?''

''ANotnio, something...something happened and I need to talk to her.''

''You should go.''

''I...I should go?! I have always been there for your sister and I love her. i made a mistake and I need to talk to her.''

Before Antonio could answer, Matt pushed him aside and walked inside, looked at Gabby sitting on the couch.

''I am so sorry.'' He said then and he sat down next ot Gabby, hugging her. As soon as he hugged he she started to cry. She laid her head against his shoulder and he kissed her on her temple, rubbing over her back.

''I am sorry Matt, I don't want to be burden, I just want to us to be happy and i am sorry i upset you about Hallie.'' She sniffed and he rubbed her over her back again and kept kissing her as she sobbed.

''Don't be sad, It;s okay, I am sorry for saying that last night and you are not a burden. I was really upset about Hallie...and it made me forget how to think.'' He said and Gabby looked up, nodded and hugged her.

Matt looked up at Antonio and Antonio looked at Matt, mad. Antonio walked away and returned with a tissue and handed it to Gabby.

''Are you okay?'' Antonio asked worried.

''I just want to go home.'' Gabby said and Matt nodded. She held him as they walked to the door and she talked her brother.

''Hurt her again, I will come after you.'' Antonio said angry as she and Matt walked out, Gabby not hearing it but Matt looked at him.

''I warn you Matt, say my sister is a burden again and I will get mad. Really mad.'' Antonio said and now Gabby heard it as well.

''We both have been through enough, Antonio.''

Antonio gritted his teeth, looking as sister walked away. He just wanted her to be okay and happy. Right now she wasn't and he wanted to protect her and he was going to if he needed.

* * *

NOTE: Matt and Gabby made up about what had happened but Antonio is pretty mad with Matt. They still have to overcome their problems though, can Gabby overcome the nightmares about Hallie?

I hope you liked this chapter and please do leave a review about what you thought! Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

''Goodmorning, babe.'' Gabby said as she kissed Matt on his cheek. After their big fight yesterday they had made up again and Matt opened his eyes, although he was already awake for hours because she kept talking in her sleep. He had been awake for most of the night and he was tired, but until minutes ago she had still been talking.

''Are you going to make breakfast?'' Gabby asked as she rolled over and Matt yawned.

''Yeah, I will.'' Matt said then as he got up and gave her a smile. After everything that had happened yesterday he wanted to do everything to make it up. He wanted to make the best out of it and for them to be good again. But right now, he was exhausted. He was upset because Gabby had been saying Hallie's name, probably from her dreams. He knew Gabby dreamed about the bombing but he just got upset. She helped him get over Halie and he was so grateful because of that, but it was not possible to completely get over it and every time she kept saying her name, all the painful memories were ripped open again.

He started to make pancakes and Gabby walked up behind him, kissed him in his neck. Matt turned around with a smile and kissed her. She laughed and laid her hand in his neck and kissed him again and again, laughing and almost bumping hte frying pan from the fire.

'Pancakes are burning.'' She said with a laugh and he turned around, moved them on the plate real quick and gave it to her with an apologizing smile and they sat down by the dinner table, had breakfast.

After breakfast Gabby walked to the shower and Matt sad down ont he cough, watched the Blackhawk match he had missed yesterday although he dozed off. He wanted to watch the match but he was so tired because of the long sleepless night.

He woke up again on the couch when Gabby walked back into the living room and stood in front of him.

''We have to get going in an hour, you have to get ready.''

''I am honestly not really feeling up for going anywhere.'' Matt yawned and Gabby looked at him, almost angry and Matt shrugged.

''What, where do you want to go?'' He asked as they hadn't made any plans and honestly he was so tired he was okay with spending their day on the couch today. It would he mean he was at least a little rested for the shift tomorrow and he gave Gabby a smile. But Gabby just looked at him, angry.

''It's Diego's match and we promised to go there.'' Gabby said.

''We?'' Matt asked and she shrugged. ''Well, okay I promised when I was there after our fight...but...Matt you should come with me.'' Gabby said and Matt shrugged.

''I am tired.'' He yawned and he thought it was better to stay at home rather than being at the match but keep yawning. That wouldn't be nice for Diego either.

''Why are you being such an ass. Just tell me what is wrong with you. Is it your head?''

''No, I am just tired.'' Matt said, raising his hands as that was really all. He really was tired after the long night without sleep. He really wanted to help her in any way possible but right now, he was really too tired.

''You have never been honest about the head injury.''

''You haven't been completely honest with me either. You have been hiding from me that you are dreaming about Hallie and when you tell me I am not allowed to be upset. That is what has been bothering me.'' Matt admitted then.

''I thought you got over Hallie a long time ago.'' Gabby said as she crossed her arms.

''Oh I am sorry that sometimes I have a little trouble dealing with the death of my girlfriend whom I have been together with for eight years.'' Matt said angry and he crossed his arms. ''I thought that you out of all people would understand how much effort it takes to get over something.''

''No wonder Hallie left you two times before I did. You are an ass!'' Gabby said and immediately she wished she could take it back. But in anger, she had said it and Matt looked hurt.

''I think it is better if I move out.'' Matt said then and he walked away from Gabby, to the bedroom to pack the things he needed to take. Gabby looked to the floor because she knew what she had just said was really hurtful. What had happened between them that they could now only say mean things to each other? She wanted to apologize and looked as he packing his stuff. She didn't want him to leave but she was so angry she didn't want to stop him either.

''Matt, why are you being like this?'' Gabby said and Matt looked up angry. He had done so much for Gabby when she was recovering and all she was doing was complaining to him that he was hurting her but she had said something now that had really hurt him. He was upset about what she just said because it was about Hallie. It became too much on him.

''Every day you say what I am doing wrong and I say hurtful things but you never seem to remember that I have feelings too. I have been in the hospital every single day, I have been trying to help you with everything I could but everything I say or do is wrong. Maybe it's better if we don't see each other outside of work for some time. See you tomorrow on shift.'' Matt said then and before Gabby could protest, Matt walked out, slamming the door shut behind him.

* * *

NOTE: The bomb burst between Matt and Gabby, but can they come together again? They are both idiots for fighting like this and while Matt is being stubborn towards Gabby, Gabby isn't cutting him any slack either. Tomorrow they have a shift and it's going to be a really really long shift if they keep acting to each other like this. But I promise you that the next chapter is going to have a lot of suspense.

I hope you did like this chapter. Please do leave a review with what you thought about this chapter and what you think about what they were fighting about. Thank you for reading!


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